The Extremely Complicated Role of Stay-at-Home Mom
All moms seem to feel at least some amount of judgement about the choices they make. The choice to be a stay-at-home mom has been just one more way that I’ve felt judged.
Unlike a traditional job, where you’re firing the analytical or creative parts of your brain, much of the load of a SAHM is emotional and physical. As somebody who spent 13 years in corporate America, I can firmly say that it’s absolutely nothing like the demands of being a SAHM. The pressure is significant, and coming at you from all sides. It’s a pace that is unbelievably fast. No mom deserves to be judged, and so I’m just going to shout from this little rooftop of mine about the incredibly hard role of stay-at-home mom, because we deserve more respect. I took the liberty of writing up a job description for my current position as T’s Mom. Please keep in mind, I very much believe that household duties lie OUTSIDE the scope of SAHM.
Position Summary:
Manage the day to day schedule, including meals, naps, education, playtime, and exploration. Demonstrate competent cool headedness in highly emotional situations. Must be willing and able to lift and carry moderate to heavy objects throughout the day, sometimes while juggling many other heavy objects, including groceries, toys, laundry, etc.. Will be provided live feedback from your immediate supervisor (the child) daily, but will also receive regular feedback from spouses, parents, in-laws, friends, cousins, neighbors, strangers, the grocery store clerk, and others.
Essential Functions:
Develop a working sleep/wake/eat schedule that will shift, often without warning, due to teething, illness, and brain development
Research and schedule activities months in advance to fill your days, but do it on a shoestring budget because your household income just got sliced in half
Manage medical-related appointments, including preventative care, and all other odd things that come up (rashes, coughs, fevers, runny noses, vomit, diarrhea, etc.)
Keep your supervisor happy, but don’t spoil them. Feed them nourishing foods, but don’t be too restrictive. Keep them safe, but don’t stifle their opportunities to learn by doing. Keep them healthy, but do not avoid germ-infested situations like playgrounds and playgroups because that will negatively impact their social development.
Remember that everything is about your supervisor. Do not put your own needs (bathroom, meals, sleep, etc.) above them, but also don’t try to pour from an empty cup. Best of luck figuring this one out.
Requirements:
Must provide own transportation (walking, running, driving, bus, plane, we don’t care but you’re on your own to figure it out)
Willingness to put your career on hold, despite working very hard to establish yourself over many years
No prior experience required, but no training will be provided
Skills and Capabilities Required:
Ability to find self-worth doing an unpaid job in a society that has a very narrow view of success
Ability to do the majority of the group project, while allowing your partner to receive praise for a job well done
Ability to be present and alert at all times because any small lapse in attention may result in injury or death
Ability to hear your own thoughts through the constant noise
Ability to have zero adult conversations for days on end
Ability to withstand the overpowering sense of loneliness, even though you’re never ever ever alone. Please remember to bring your supervisor with you when you pee
Ability to be touched all day long, usually by sticky little hands, without complaint
Ability to do this all on a shoestring budget because you gave up half of your household income to take this job
Ability to lift and carry 4-50lb squirming supervisor
Ability to stop yourself from cringing/screaming/rolling your eyes when people talk about your role in a condescending way
Job Type: All-time (525,600 minutes a year)
Benefits:
Salary: $0
Medical/Dental/Vision insurance: not provided
401(k): not provided
PTO: not provided
Holidays: not provided
Ok so that was fun and kind of silly. I do not mean to sound like I don’t absolutely love my job. I truly do, with all of my heart. I think the bravest women in the world are the ones who will take on this role, if they’re lucky enough to have the choice. And I do realize just how lucky I am. My husband has always been 100% supportive of this move, despite our household taking nearly a 50% pay cut. For anybody out there who doesn’t “get it,” I hope this helps. For all you moms out there who are struggling through this beautiful and difficult time, I hear you!
